Posts Tagged googler

Magical – The New iGoogler Launches

As any well informed SOE professional above tier 3 knows, until very recently, the key to getting a good rank from the Googler was to have fully optimal content that has a keyword destiny of precisely 16.7% and includes a demonstrable range of high quality interaction eigenvectors.  Unfortunately, this has now changed, and with the launch of the new upgraded iGoogler2, a lot of so called SOE experts have found themselves trapped on page 7 or 8 of the search results.

I was one of just 13 people who were invited to an exclusive launch event at an exclusive restaurant serving contemporary American Cuisine close to the fabled Google Castle in America where we were shown the astonishing new iGoogler2 in all of it’s glory.

Here it is:

The New Googler

The New iGoogler 2

With a 60% bigger brayne installed in the iGoogler2, it has been possible for google to reduce the specific keyword density of pages ranked at number 1 from 16.7% to just 15% – That’s a 10% improvement!

Thanks to some heavy dieting, and having bits cut off, the new version is some 23.4% thinner than the outgoing model.  This has some serious implications for web masters and mistresses.  Previously, the chubbiness of the Googler meant that it could only handle the low frequency interaction eigenvectors.  Being smaller means that the new version is able to also simultaneously calculate PageRanks using latent semantics too!

Another major upgrade to the iGoogler 2 is the addition of better vision.  This means that it can find smaller images than before and show them to users.  It also means that previously useful techniques of hiding additional text by making it 6pt in size or having it the same colour as the back ground will no longer be as successful – unless your pages are green.

The full implications of the new iGoogler2 are yet to become apparent, but many of the top SOE specialists in the world will be scrambling to uncover its many secrets.


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The 6 Types of SOE

With more than two hundred websites now live on the internets, competition for Page Ranks has never been tougher, and more and more of the webbers are looking for help with the different ways of getting those coveted number ones in the search charts.

Most webbers are understanding that the only ways of getting the number one is to be engaged with an SOE person, but the big question that is always on their lips, is what kind of SOE-er they should work with.

I was lucky enough to be present at a secret searcher conference recently in which a Googler explained that the success in searching is most often down to getting the right kind of SOE work done, something that not all people are able to do.

There are currently 6 types of SOE person who you can use to do your webbing, and these are as follows:

SOE Apprentice

There are thought to be nearly a million SOE apprentices in the world.  Their knowledge and skills are minimal, but they will be keen.  Normally they will be able to spell SOE correctly, and will have heard of the Googler.  If a business were to engage the services of an SOE apprentice to be doing their optimification, they will normally get a number 50 result.

SOE Padawan

Only around 5% of SOE Apprentices ever achieve padawan status.  This is reached after the enlightening (the moment where they become understanding of the PageRanks).  At this point, they are qualified to comment on the SEOMOZ blog, and will be conversant with low level SOE skills such as page titling, and keyword destiny.  An SOE Padawan will be able to get a 20 result in Google for their secondary keywords.

SOE Drone

Of the 50,000 SOE padawans, around 10% can reach the level of SOE drones.  At this point in their development, the drone is able to write an article, and use the Google effortlessly.  These low level staff are usually capable of writing their own blog, but will sometimes make straightforward errors such as failing to include the meta author tag on their pages.

SOE Ninja

The title of SOE Ninja is awarded to the top 100 SOE drones each year.  Typically, only drones with a skill rating of +75 and a knowledge score of +250 will be invited.  To be considered, it is necessary to have 14 Likes on SEOMOZ, and to have commented on SEO Book.  Drones must have also follow all senior SOE experts on the Twittering, and be able to calculate keyword destiny.  A ninja will be provided with access to links and be able to rank a web in the top 10 results for a 3 word phrase.  Companies who are savvy enough to use the services of a ninja can expect great results.

SOE Guru

A guru is one of the leading members of the SOE community, and commands great respect.  These experts are permitted by charter to provide full SOE services including the use of advanced Meta Keywords and Meta Rank tags.  They are also allowed to own their own SOE blog, and publish theoretical information.  Gurus are elected for a three year term, and can extend this by agreement with the board of directors at Dogpile.

Although salaries are not public, some SOE gurus are thought to earn in excess of £5,000 per year from their work, and some own as many as 6 websites of their own.

SOE Warlock

The identity of the SOE warlock is currently unknown, although some have suggested that it is in fact Steve Ballmer.  His mastery of skills is truly remarkable and it is thought that he is able to use his understanding of THE ALGORITHM to simultaneously rank number one for all 500 of the keywords currently available within the internet.

Correct Use of SOE Rank

It is essential for searching success to inform the spider council what type of SOE expert is being used, and there is a meta tag for this purpose.  Search engines will consider the type of SOE who is working on a website when they decide where it should be placed in the chart.  The use of this meta is legally controlled, and incorrect attribution can result in an internet being turned off:

<meta name=”soetype” content=”guru” />

Happy optimising


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Keeping SOE Activity Under the Radar

As any tier 1 SOE professional will tell you, one of the biggest risks in any SOE campaign is getting the website you are working on banned by the big search engines for breaking their rules.

While getting high rankings in Bing, and the other big search engines is the biggest goal of SOE, it is important to remember that you also need to avoid getting on the wrong side of the Googler by making your efforts too obvious.  Most of the bigger search engines, with the exception of Cuill and Ask employ teams of people to review websites, and if they find any evidence of SOE techniques being used, they have the right to unplug your website from the whole internet, and potentially send you to prison!

Search engine rules were established by Tim Berners Lee in 1956, and despite the march of progress that we have seen in recent years, they are still rigorously enforced.  In order to protect the search engines, the rules are top secret, but by careful research, we have been able to identify the following:

  • Do not do any on page optimisation
  • Avoid link building

Search engines use complex systems to find people who are breaking the rules, and then pass their details to the WET (website execution teams), who take any appropriate action:

Doing lots of techniques means that the Googler can identify that you are doing SOE

Doing lots of techniques means that the Googler can identify that you are doing SOE

Keeping under the Radar

Typically, top SOE professionals use up to five different techniques when they are doing optimising work.  These include adding Meta Keywords, getting the right Keyword Density, building latent semantic eigenvectors through the website data hierarchies, and building recopricul link networks to increase the number of Page ranks that the website has.

Often, there is no way of knowing whether the Googler is visiting your website to check if any SOE is being done, so you need to do what you can in order to prevent them seeing what you are doing.

The key to keeping under the radar with your SOE is simple: use different techniques on different pages of the website.

If you use the Meta Rank tag and include a good quality eigenvector on one page of your site, you should try using Meta Keywords and a latent semantic distribution on another.  The following matrix provides an overview of the different techniques that work well together.

SOE techniques that are safe to use together

SOE techniques that are safe to use together

The benefit of this is that the Googler will be confused, and not be able to tell that you are doing SOE, and as such, will not report your details to the W.E.T.:

Using different techniques confuses the Googler

Using different techniques confuses the Googler

The downside of having to mask SOE activity in this way is that the website will not be able to rank in the top 10 at first, however in the long run, you will find that rankings improve as competing websites that explicitly use SOE on all of their pages will be removed.

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What Nexus One Means For SOE

January 5th 2010 will be remembered forever as the day the world changed.  The Nexus One was launched, and at a stroke, everything was different.  Until last week, people have only been able to enjoy websites at home, but now, thanks to the genius shown by the boffins at Google, you can carry the whole Internet in your pocket, and read it wherever you are!

Thanks to a miracle of technology and the use of some incredibly complex document containment algorithms, the Nexus One can display the internet to people wherever they are – in full colour!

Of course, this brings a whole raft of new challenges for SOE professionals – until now, we only had to concentrate on performing the optimisation of a website once so that it would appear at number one in the results, but now, it is necessary to make sure that no matter where people are when they have a go on the Internet, they are still able to find the website.

Getting Online

When you first open your Nexus One, it comes with a full factory installed version of the Internet – although because the phone is in American, a lot of the words are spelled wrong.  The clever thing about the Nexus One is that everytime you plug it in to charge it downloads a new copy of the Internet overnight so that you can get all the latest news and pictures and keep it up to date.

Screen Size

In order to get the Internet into a pocket sized device like the Nexus One, Google have had to shrink all of the pages significantly to make them fit.  Whereas a normal sized website on a proper computer can feature a screen resolution of up to 800 by 600px, this does not all fit onto a Nexus, which only has a screen that can display 800 by 480 pixels, which is 25% less!

Web page resolution for Nexus One

Web page resolution for Nexus One

In order to rank well in a portable Google, your website needs to be in a resolution that fits.  Having said that, you also need to remember that not everyone will get a Nexus, and you still want to have a resolution that works in a home Internet too.  We recommend that you compromise, and design your pages with a resolution of 800x540px, which is half way in between.

Keyword Density

Because the web page is 25% smaller, you will also need to think about your keyword density – whereas on a web page for the proper Internet, you need to use a density of 16.7%, this simply will not work on a Nexus One portable Internet.  In order to fit in with the complex latent semantic eigenvectors that are employed within the floating point calculations utilised when rendering portable Internet pages, you need to scale the keyword density employed on the web page using a parabolic distribution curve – our testing shows that for a page to rank at number one in a portable Google, it needs to have a keyword density of precisely 13.45% – and you can use a maximum of 243 words.

Special Google

Of course, being able to carry the whole Internet around in portable form is no use whatsoever if you can’t remember where things are, so every Nexus One comes complete with a special Google.  The real Google is one of the biggest websites around – according to some sources it has more than 5,000 pages!  Having that much content inside it would make the Nexus to heavy for most people to carry with them, so Google have designed a special light weight Googler that is just 5% of the size of the proper one – but still manages to read the Internet and help you find things:

What the Different types of Google Look Like

Size Comparison between regular and portable googlers

Although the portable version of the Googler is only 5% of the size of the full one, it still contains most of the same algorithmic functions as its larger counterpart – the difference is in its speed.  While the latest version of the Googler that works on a proper computer is able to read around 150 pages each hour, the smaller version can only do 50 – which is pretty good considering its size.  To get around this restriction, the Nexus One Googler runs constantly day and night to ensure that every time you update the Internet, you are able to find what you are looking for quickly.

Other Features

In addition to carrying a copy of the Internet, the Nexus One also has a number of other features including being able to send and receive text messages, take photographs with a built in (!) camera, and even make phone calls.  Of course this is quite difficult, as although the boffins at Google managed to fit the whole Internet into the Nexus One, they neglected to add a keypad, so it is difficult to dial a phone number.

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Blackboard Monday: How Google Works

It is a fact that getting to number one in Google is one of the hardest things in the world.  Very few SOE professionals ever manage it for one keyword, let alone two, but it is possible, and the key to beating Google is to understand how the search engine works.

The Internet  has millions of pages in it, and this number grows every year.  Until recently, every single page that went into Google had to be manually checked by Larry Page himself, however since 2008, the search engine has used robots called Googlers to do the job.

Once a web page has been submitted or emailed to Google, it is put in a queue to be processed by a Googler.

How the Googler Processes Web Pages

How the Googler Processes Web Pages

Each Googler is able to process more than a thousand web pages each hour.  The web page follows a submission vector to the Googler, at which point it is categorised based on the semantic index structures held within each document space.  The Googler uses more than ten indicators including meta keywords and how many alt texts there are within the document alongside other calculations such as keyword density.

Once Google has categorised the page into one of its 3 document storage areas, the relationship eigenvectors between the documents are calculated, and added up to find out how many Page Ranks  should be awarded to the web page.

Once a web page has been copied into the Googler storage area, it can then be used to provide answers to people:

The Googler is at the heart of the ranking calculation

The Googler is at the heart of the ranking calculation

Once a person has searched for a keyword in Google, the Googler has a rummage around in the file store for all of the web pages that include that keyword and then performs some ranking sums to decide which should be first.

  • The main things that the Googler looks for are:
  • Whether the meta ranking tag has been included for that keyword
  • Whether the keyword is included in the Meta Keywords
  • How close to 16.7% the keyword density is
  • What the latent semantic eigenvectors for that page are
  • Whether the alt texts are present
  • How many Page Ranks the page has

All of the ranking sums are done in less than a minute and the results are generated.

The process for most searches is the same, however adult type queries are handled slightly differently because a different Googler is used to prevent the delicate web graph  intelligence of the prime googler robots being corrupted.

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